One in Three Men Admitting They Would Rape Will Not Be Solved by Consent Education Alone
On January 11, 2015, the news media reported on a new study by Dr. Sarah Edwards at the University of North Dakota and her colleagues that suggests almost 33% of college men admitted they would force a woman to have sex against her will if they thought they could get away with it; when the word “rape” was used, however, to describe the same behavior, about 13% of men admitted the same thing.
These data call into question the oft-touted claim that it is a small percentage of men who commit most of the rapes – or rather, who force women to have sex against their will; Dr. Edward’s data suggests this is not the case, if 13-33% of men are willing to do it.
This data is disturbing, but so is the recommendation that illogically follows, which is that what is needed is more and better consent education and teaching about healthy relationships. These recommendations are featured, even though these researchers report that admitting a willingness to force women to have non-consensual sex is not a function of confusion about consent or a misunderstanding of healthy relationships, but rather, is instead highly correlated with hostility toward women and hyper-masculinity: key components of rape culture.
Consent education will not make men believe that they should not rape women, whether or not they can get away with it, and understanding what constitutes a healthy relationship will not necessarily make men want it, particularly if their goal is to perform a version of masculinity which debases and devalues women as lesser, as other, as objects for the taking.
Self-defense training, in its enactment and practice of women’s bodies as powerful, as strong, as something other than inherently rapeable, is far more likely to change men’s and women’s concepts of gender and performance in sexual relationships. And more importantly, it significantly decreases the likelihood that men will “get away with it”; knowing that they could be seriously hurt if they try to force a woman to have sex against her will may make more men considering rape to pay close attention to conversations about consent.
‘Tis the season for setting the boundaries you want!
Remember the cootie catchers of our youth? They told us who we would marry. And – spoiler alert here – they don’t actually work. Despite the assertion of a cootie catcher one of the authors remembers fondly from 6th grade, she never did, in fact, marry Darrin Praeger.
The SJFB cootie catcher will not offer you the names of potential future partners, but will remind you of a number of techniques, both verbal and physical, that you can use in setting boundaries, both verbal and physical.
So have fun! So see below for our cootie catcher you can print, cut, fold, and give away! These make a great stocking stuffer or embellishment for your gift wrapped package. Remember, ‘tis the season for setting the boundaries you want!
Wishing you a safe, healthy and happy holiday season,
Martha McCaughey and Jill Cermele
SJFB Cootie Catcher Instructions:
- Print and cut round outside of cootie catcher
- Fold in half and in half again
- Open out, turn over so top is blank and fold each corner into the middle
- Turn over and repeat
- Turn over so you can see the pictures
- Slide your thumb and your finger behind 2 of the pictures and press together so they bend round and touch
- Turn over and repeat with the thumb and finger of the other hand for the other two pictures
- All the pictures should now be at the front with centres touching and you are ready to use your cootie catcher!
www.seejanefightback.wordpress.com
with thanks for the template to www.downloadablecootiecatchers.wordpress.com
Jane Gives Thanks
Readers, as we enter the holiday season, we at See Jane Fights Back would like to take a moment to express our appreciation.
We are grateful to our self-defense activist and scholar colleagues, for their efforts to empower women and girls, and in doing so, to shift the narratives about the perceived inevitability of sexual violence and the perceived omnipotence of perpetrators.
We are thankful for you, our readers, for reading and sharing our blog, and for all the feedback, comments, and stories you have shared with us.
Finally, we acknowledge all those who have been targeted for or experienced sexual violence; we admire and appreciate their courage and perseverance, their willingness to share their stories, and for reminding us all that resistance takes many, many forms.
PS. Snarky commentary returns next week.
An Open Letter to CNN’s Don Lemon and Other Journalists Who Interview Women Who Report They were Sexually Assaulted
Dear Mr. Lemon:
National and international media outlets are covering various aspects of the rape allegations made against actor and comedian Bill Cosby, dating back over four decades. None of it is surprising – not additional victims coming forward, not various celebrities expressing skepticism or disbelief, not stories about the psychological functioning or motives of those bringing allegations.
Nor is it surprising that women who come forward are being asked why they didn’t fight back.
On the evening of November 18, CNN reporter Don Lemon, in an interview with Joan Tarshis, one of several women who are reporting they were raped or assaulted by Cosby, said the following:
“You know, there are ways not perform oral sex if you didn’t want to…meaning using of the teeth…as a weapon…biting…I had to ask.”
No, Mr. Lemon, you didn’t have to ask.
We’re not going to ask you if you would bite the penis of a man orally raping you, Mr. Lemon. We’re not going to ask you if you think you would do it, if a man tried to orally rape you, either.
That’s not a question, Mr. Lemon. That’s victim-blaming.
Advocates of self-defense and self-defense training for women could tell you that, Mr. Lemon. We don’t tell women what they should do. We don’t ask them why they didn’t do it, if they have been raped or assaulted in the past.
Ms. Tarshis says that it did not occur to her to bite his penis. That is the option that occurred to you, when you heard the story, Mr. Lemon. It may or may not have occurred to you in the moment if someone were assaulting you.
This is why self-defense training is so important. Championing self-defense training for women should not be confused with saying that a woman should have resisted. Self-defense training teaches women strategies and options so that if someone tries to rape or assault them, they have a range of choices available to them. And so that they feel empowered to act on those choices, if they choose to, because they believe they are entitled to, because they have the knowledge and practice in doing so, and because they know that if one strategy doesn’t work, another one – verbal or physical – might. Self-defense training helps make resistance a viable option. And, Mr. Lemon, we trust that women make the choice that is the safest, the best, for them, in that moment, and we don’t judge or question their choices.
We don’t tell them what that choice should have been, Mr. Lemon, because we don’t know. And asking a survivor of rape or sexual assault why they didn’t resist in the particular way you can envision, even though you were not there and have no idea whether that would have been a safe, viable, or appropriate choice, is telling them what you think they should have done. Or what you think you would have done.
Instead, Mr. Lemon, you could have applauded Ms. Tarshis for coming forward with her story, and told her that you don’t blame her or hold her responsible for the violence that was perpetrated against her. You could have told her that you believe that she made the best choice she could in a terrifying and dangerous situation.
Mr. Lemon, perhaps you were trying to be helpful. So let us help you, Mr. Lemon, with what NOT TO SAY to someone who tells you they were raped or sexually assaulted:
- Why didn’t you…(fight back, knee him in the groin, bite his penis, scream for help…or whatever you believe she should have/you would have done in the same situation)?
- Why did you…(wear that, go there, say that, do that…or whatever behavior you see as the reason she was raped or sexually assaulted)?
- Why were you…(drinking, drunk, smoking, high…or using whatever substance you think made her responsible for someone raping or sexually assaulting her)?
- If it were me…(fill in the blank with your solution to avoiding rape or sexual assault).
Resistance is complicated, and difficult, and scary, Mr. Lemon, and while many girls and women resist – some with self-defense training, and more without – your question suggests that resistance is simple and easy and obvious and what you would have done/what everyone should have done. Your question suggests that in the absence of resistance, it wasn’t really rape, or that the rape was the responsibility of the survivor, not the perpetrator.
Mr. Lemon, we live in a society that does not offer girls and women any regular opportunities to learn how to value themselves and their bodily boundaries, or how to use their bodies aggressively (remember, we’re the cheerleaders, not the football players), and in a society that routinely tells girls and women NOT to fight back because it won’t work or they’ll get hurt or they’ll make things worse. And yet, the question you ask is, “Why Didn’t She Do This or That Aggressive Act in Self-Defense?!
We could add, Mr. Lemon, how about you ask why we’re not teaching girls and women to defend themselves, violently, if necessary. That’s our question, Mr. Lemon. Next time, make it yours.
Sincerely,
Jill Cermele and Martha McCaughey
An Open Letter to Cory Rosenkranz, Counseling Center, Ramapo College
Dear Ms. Rosenkranz,
We have seen multiple stories now – first in the Ramapo News from Ramapo College, but then in Jezebel, in Addicting Info, in the Telegraph – about how you recommended that female students practice their “anti-rape faces in the mirror”. Or words to that effect.
That’s not prevention, Ms. Rosenkranz. That’s victim-blaming. We don’t need to practice our anti-rape faces. Any face we make is an anti-rape face.
Prevention is focusing on changing a rape culture that perpetuates the myth that men’s rape of women as inevitable. Prevention is acting to change social norms about men’s beliefs about their entitlement to women’s bodies, and the eliminating the behaviors that follow those beliefs. And prevention is teaching women how to physically and verbally thwart an attempted sexual assault.
Women do not invite rape by how they look, or what they wear, or the expression on their faces. Or by their perceived attractiveness, or their relationship status, or their sexual orientation, or the color of their skin. Or anything else.
Got that?
We want to reduce women’s risk for assault, Ms. Rosenkranz. We assume you do, too. But if you want to make women safer, empower them – don’t blame them. Encourage your campus to offer self-defense classes that, as the data show, actually reduce the chance that they will be raped and increase women’s feelings of confidence and empowerment.
We assume your goal is to reduce sexual assault on your campus, Ms. Rosenkranz. But making faces doesn’t make people stop raping. Action does. And that’s why we are writing to you, rather than making a “we don’t like what you’re saying” face.
Women’s faces/bodies/clothes/words/behaviors DO NOT invite rape, and rape prevention is not about withdrawing an invitation. So please – check the data, and get your facts straight.
Sincerely,
Jill Cermele and Martha McCaughey
An open letter to His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama
Dear Your Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama:
We applaud your recommending last week, in conjunction with your attendance at an interfaith meeting in India, that girls learn martial arts self-defense against sexual assaults. In your interview with One World South Asia, you said that women and men should be equally valued in society, and when asked if you had any message you’d like to give to the young girls in India, you answered that “the idea of Bihar Chief Minister Nitish Kumar to train school girls in martial arts seems a practical solution. For self defence, young girls in India should learn martial arts like Karate. In the long run, education can be an effective tool in helping girls to stand up against sexual crimes.” To this you added that “lower castes should pay more attention in education. They should particularly educate their girls. People who are well off should help the poor people in getting education.”
You didn’t say that girls shouldn’t put themselves in risky situations, Your Holiness, because you know what we know – that sexual assault is not about what women targeted for sexual assault do to “increase” their risk.
You didn’t say that girls are responsible for preventing sexual assault, because you know what we know – that the responsibility lies with perpetrators, not with targets and victims.
We agree wholeheartedly with this agenda for young girls and believe this should be our message to girls in the U.S. as well.
We only wish that you had made this recommendation to U.S. President Barack Obama during your recent meeting with him at the White House. We don’t think you did because they’d surely have put you in their “It’s On Us” video. The goal of that movement, they say, is to “…reframe the conversation surrounding sexual assault in a way that inspires everyone to see it as their responsibility to do something, big or small, to prevent it”. And what you said, Your Holiness, reframes the conversation by suggesting that women don’t need to just hope that someone else gets that “it’s on them”; you reframe the conversation by taking a stance, as the most influential spiritual leader in the world today, that women as equal pillars of humanity, have the right to and capacity for self-defense.
So can you call President Obama back and tell him that?
We know that you won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1989, and that you call yourself a feminist. We just hope that your recent recommendation to girls about self-defense is understood by others as not at all in contradiction with your being a Nobel laureate. For we know of your teachings about compassion as well as women’s rights.
Overall, we love your messages, as well as how you offer them. You not only speak, have f2f meetings, and write books; you also have your own Twitter (with 9 million followers!), Facebook, and Google Plus accounts. We do too! (Except we have about 8.9999999 million fewer followers.)
Sincerely,
Martha McCaughey & Jill Cermele
PS: Is being the Dalai Lama a good job?
THE TOP TEN THINGS WOMEN WILL WANT TO DO IF WE TEACH THEM SELF-DEFENSE
There is a lot of resistance to the idea of teaching self-defense skills to women – and we get it. It’s a slippery slope. We all know what happens when you give a mouse a cookie, right? Just imagine – if women practice and enact physical and verbal personal safety strategies, if we have the embodied experience of ourselves as strong, confident human beings who are entitled to protect our own physical and psychological integrity, THEN WHAT?
10. Wear pants
9. Swear
8. Speak in public
7. Vote
6. Operate heavy machinery – like a motor vehicle
5. Have a career
4. Claim an education
3. Control their own bodies
2. Prioritize their own sexual desire and agency
And, the #1 thing that women will do if we teach them self-defense, and we just can’t say it any better than Pat Robertson did: “Leave their husbands…practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians”
These are the rights for which feminists have fought, and continue to fight: the right to dress as we like, to speak as we like, to move through the world claiming and participating in all spheres and domains available to men, and the right to live freely, safely, and happily in our own bodies. And that includes the right to self-defense, and to knowing how to protect ourselves. And no one should tell us that we can’t, or shouldn’t have to, have that right.
Guest Post: Campus Rape Crisis: What’s Missing From The White House Sexual Violence Plan
Clearly, a wide network of self-defense advocates are as incensed as we are that the White House Task Force recommendations failed to include self-defense training. Thank you, Boston IMPACT director Meg Stone for a thoughtful, well-written piece! Best line: “The most important characteristic of effective self-defense training is that it makes clear that the responsibility for sexual assault is the perpetrator’s. ”:
Campus Rape Crisis: What’s Missing From The White House Sexual Violence Plan
Jogging U.S. Marshal Kicks Man in the Crotch…and So Can You.
In the last few days we have seen a lot of press about the woman who fought back against her assailant and held him captive until the police arrived. It’s a great story with a great ending. The woman was out jogging when a man who, according to the news media, first identified himself as “Johnson” (we laughed out loud at that one), grabbed her ass and pulled her shorts down. She yelled at him to stop, identifying herself as a marshal, yelled to those nearby to call 911, and took off after him. She apparently then cornered him, and when he charged her, she kicked him in…well, in his Johnson. (Probably actually under and behind his Johnson, but either way.)
It’s a great story. A great, great, story, and we are delighted the media has reported it as widely as it has. One important point is missing, though, and we want to bring it up.
You don’t have to be a U.S. Marshal to fight back.
We love that she’s a U.S. Marshal for all kinds of reasons, but that title and job training are not required to kick someone in the groin, or fight back in all the other ways we know women and girls fight back all the time. Sometimes we get to hear those stories when they make the news – the 10-year-old girl who fought off a sex offender, the teenager who fought off two assailants on her way to band practice, the woman in her 30s who fought off an attacker in the laundry room of her building, the self-described “little old lady” who fought off an attacker in a parking lot. Most of the time, we don’t. But they happen all the time. And we want to know all the stories.
Perhaps if more of women’s self-defense success stories were shared, women would have more confidence about their abilities in these situations — and men would have less.
See Jane Fight Back 
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