Author Archive: jcermele

An Open Letter to All the Disheartened Clinton Voters

Resistance Is Not Futile.

Donald Trump will be the next President of the United States.

We put up a good fight.  It didn’t end the way we wanted it to, needed it to.  We lost.  Did the fight matter?

Resistance, in any form, to any kind of assault or violation, does not guarantee a particular outcome.   And when the outcome is unwanted and scary and painful and wrong, and violates our individual and collective rights to freedom and empowerment and self-determination and safety, it can feel like the resistance was futile.

It was not futile.  As Hillary Clinton reminded us in her moving concession speech this morning, it is not futile.

As scholars who advocate self-defense, we want to remind you of an important lesson from the data on self-defense: that the process of resistance is critical and empowering and positive, even when the outcome is negative.  In the face of assault, women who knew resistance was an option and who made the best choice for themselves in that moment – whether that was verbal resistance or physical resistance or simply the determination to survive – had better physical and psychological outcomes following an assault than women who believed they had no choices.

We do not fight solely because we want a particular outcome.  We fight because we are worth fighting for.  And the fight is important on all levels – for individual people, for what it communicates to our families and friends and communities, for how it changes rules and norms and structures and policies and laws.  We fight for what the fight says about and means to us.

What is the next step?  There is no “right” answer to that, because resistance is multi-faceted, broadly defined, and individually determined.  Yes, we will have successes and setbacks.  But we know we will, as Hillary implores us to, go on fighting. Because, as Hillary said, “fighting for what’s right is worth it.”

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An Open Letter from a Jane, to the Assholes She’s Dated Who Say Stupid Things When They Find Out She Knows Self-Defense

Most women who have taken a self-defense course, and then had the audacity to talk about it, have probably had the experience of being subjected another person’s perspective on why women’s self-defense is problematic/stupid/pointless/cute/sexy/offensive/etc.    Those comments are offered in a variety of contexts:  family dinners, office events, on-line chats, happy hour, gym workouts, dates.

So has Jane.  Who is Jane?  Jane is the middle student down the street who’s taking martial arts.  She is your great-aunt who went to the self-defense program at the local community center.  She is the young girl who stands her ground in the playground,  the college student who takes a self-defense class on campus, the women who organize against harassment on the street or in the workplace, the woman who had yet another date with someone who said, with a smile on his face, “Oh, you know self-defense?  I’d better watch myself…I guess you can kick my ass”, and then waited for you to laugh.

And so below, is one Jane’s response, after a date:

********

Dear Assholes,

If we’ve gotten this far and are on a date, then you have had at least a few conversations with me and therefore allegedly have been listening when we’ve exchanged the usual pleasantries, including, but not limited to, “So…what do you do?”

And if you were listening, you would know I do a lot of things – I’m a feminist, I write fiction and snarky non-fiction commentary, and yes, I teach self-defense.  Now that combination should tell you a number of things, including:

  1. I teach self-defense (I know I’ve already said that, but you clearly are not listening, so I feel the need to say it AGAIN);
  2. As a feminist, I’m not likely to find your stupid, misogynistic comments about self-defense remotely witty, smart, sexy, or compelling;
  3. As a writer, anything stupid you say is likely to end up in a blog post or open letter somewhere.

And yet, you persist – why?  Did you think that I would find your belittling of my chosen profession charming?  It was, admittedly, more charming, relatively speaking, than your complimenting my ass, but again I’m speaking here in relative terms only.  And sure, I can appreciate that you took the high road by not calling me a feminazi, a sinner doomed to spend the afterlife in Hell, or such a strange contradiction because, despite my physical power, you also find me physically attractive.  Did you expect me to simper, to blush, to bat my eyelashes, when you chuckle condescendingly as you say something like, “Oh…I guess I better watch myself, or you’re going to kick my ass, right?”

Yes, Assholes.  Spot-on.  Okay, not literally spot-on, because I would not actually kick your ass just for saying something stupid; furthermore, as any self-defense instructor would tell you, it is best to go for the areas where you can achieve the most pain, such as the testicles.  But you get the idea.

In my other profession as a college professor, however, I do get to deconstruct your ass (-inine statement), and here’s my analysis:  your tone is mocking as you indicate you’d better watch yourself, which suggests to me that you actually do not think you need to watch yourself, because if you wanted to step over some line and try to rape or assault me, you believe, in fact, that there is nothing I could do to stop you.  That’s what you mean, yes?  Yes.  That’s what I thought.

So two points on that, Assholes.  First, there are decades of data suggesting that women are extremely capable of fighting back against sexual assault, and capable of doing so successfully; if this were going beyond a first date, I could bring you a reading list, but since it’s not, I won’t bother. In fact, you might be the final-straw Asshole who made that comment and drove me dashing to the bathroom to compose this letter on my smart phone, and if that’s the case, I’m not even coming back to finish the first date.

Second, in some totally fucked-up way, I am guessing you’re attempting to be charming and trying to get into bed with me, which I assume is all you want, since you are saying stupid offensive things about me and my line of work on a first date, and therefore this can only mean that a) you have no fucking idea who I am, and b) you actually don’t care who I am, because all you want is to do is get laid, and I happen to be the unfortunate woman closest in physical proximity.  And so your strategy to get laid is to say, “Hey, you know I could rape you if I wanted to”, all the while expecting me to giggle like a school girl, relieved that I have found a real man who could withstand my attempts to fight back?

No.  Not happening.  So here’s what you need to know in parting, Assholes, and yes, I mean parting literally.  Because I’m never going to see you again.  Why you would want to see me again is beyond me, given that I neither simpered nor blushed nor batted my eyelashes in response to your stupid comment, and yet you do, which only provides additional data for both points a) and b) above.  It’s bad enough that I just spent an hour/a meal/an evening with you that I can never reclaim, and no, I will not go out with you again, ever.

So know this instead:  it is neither charming, nor witty, nor appealing, to suggest to a woman that you can overpower her, to imply that if you want to have sex with her there is nothing she can do to stop it.  Nor is it accurate And she doesn’t even have to have taken a self-defense course to prove that to you.  And so, to address the literal content of your comment:  Yes, you better watch yourself, or I am – or some other woman is – going to kick your ass.

In closing, then, the answer to your question is “Yes.”  Yes, I can, and yes, she can, and she can, and she can.  And we will, if you put your money where your mouth is.  So shut the fuck up already, go take a women’s and gender studies course, and stop being such Assholes.

Sincerely yours,

Jane

Defense Against the Dark Arts: Wands Not Necessary

I’m a Harry Potter fan.  I’ve read the books (many times), seen the movies (many times), been to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter (twice – the new and improved version is, in fact, new and improved; worth the trip), and even did the Watson Adventures Harry Potter scavenger hunt at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NYC (I had to hurry my son and his friends along when they tried to stop to look at the art; “We’re not here for the art!” may have crossed my lips at some point).  And here at SJFB, we have no doubt that some of our favorite female characters in the series would be totally on board with self-defense against sexual assault.  See for yourselves:

 

hermione meme              mollyweasley        mcgonagall

hermione 2

 

 

Seven Things Self-Defense Advocates Are Tired of Hearing

  1.  “Women shouldn’t have to defend themselves against sexual assault.”  Sigh.  Of course not, folks, if what you mean by that is “no one should sexually assault a woman, or anyone else, ever”, or “women shouldn’t be held responsible for sexual assault if they cannot/did not engage in self-defense, because the perpetrator is always to blame and responsible for sexual assault”.  Right.  But to say “women shouldn’t have to defend themselves” ala the Kurt Cobain meme is really just an excuse to deny women the right to defend themselves.  And they do have the right to defend themselves, if that is the choice they make for themselves because of the risk of assault or in the face of assault.  Period.
  2. “Self-defense isn’t primary prevention.”  Um.  Yes, it is, as we have explained countless times.  Primary prevention, according to the CDC, stops an assault before it happens, and impacts social and cultural norms that permeate and perpetuate rape culture.  Self-defense training, and women’s use of self-defense, has been demonstrated to effectively prevent and thwart assault, and to change our views of men as all-powerful and ever successful in sexual violence and women as inherently powerless and rapeable.  Self-defense is as much a primary prevention strategy as bystander intervention programs and Red Flag trainings.
  3. “Self-defense is/leads to victim-blaming.”  This critique is leveled at self-defense all the time.  Why?  Because we live in a rape culture.  People blame victims and excuse perpetrators in all kinds of ways.  Like  when they say the victim is too pretty/not pretty enough, or too sexy/not sexually available, or on the street/in their own home/in a friend’s home,  or too dark/too light/too white, or…right.  Like that.  The fact that people may perceive training more women in self-defense as inviting victim blame doesn’t make it victim-blaming, any more than people perceiving a woman in a short skirt as inviting rape means that her short skirt invites rape.  Duh.  Not all women want, or have the opportunity, to learn self-defense, for a variety of reasons.  But that doesn’t mean that self-defense training should be denied to other women.
  4. “Self-defense doesn’t work/escalates violence.”  Well, it does work, in many, many situations, as the data indicate.  And because of that, it rarely makes things worse, despite multiple episodes of Law & Order to the contrary (still available as professional consultants, L&O!)  You don’t have to believe that for it to be true.  Just like evolution and global warming.
  5. “Bystander training is better.”  Better for whom?  (That’s grammatically correct, folks; check it out.)  And that is a fair question.  Bystanders intervening is great, as the Stanford rape case recently demonstrated, and we encourage everyone to act as upstanders and find ways to safely intervene when they witness a sexual assault impending or in progress.  But it’s not better; it’s different, and to be clear, only potentially effective when an assault is public or happened upon.  And to suggest that it’s better is to put forth the belief that those targeted for assault (typically women) are not capable of engaging in active, effective resistance.  You might as well say, “Bystander training is better because women can’t defend themselves, so don’t bother trying or learning how.”    What a terrible, and false, message to propagate.
  6. “Some women training in self-defense puts other women at risk.”  A close cousin to the concern about victim-blaming, this statement reflects two fears.  The first fear is that when a woman defends herself successfully against a rape, that rapist will simply seek out another target.  Not only is their no data to support that belief, but it suggests that women, in protecting themselves, are then responsible for other women being raped.  Hogwash.  And, quite frankly, misogynistic.  The only person responsible for a rape is the rapist.  The second fear is that the women who do not train in self-defense will be blamed for the assault once our culture, led by a bunch of bad-ass women, embrace the empowering self-defense approach.  We don’t want to force all women, or any woman, to train in self-defense; but neither do we want to ignore the benefits of self-defense simply because some women, for a variety of reasons, may not engage in it.  If a small percentage of people are allergic to eggs and thus can’t get the flu shot, should public health officials stop telling people to get their flu shot?  In fact, just like with flu vaccinations, the greater percentage of people who’ve gotten them, the better off everyone is – even those who could not or did not get the flu shot.  Imagine if an entire industry had developed around serving only those who get the flu, rather than taking care of those who had the flu and working tirelessly to defend against the flu virus.  That would be unethical.
  7. “The idea of a woman being able to overpower a man is just…
    uncomfortable/unattractive/unfeminine/unsexy/inappropriate.”
      Seriously?  Seriously?  In the face of an imminent sexual assault or a rape in progress, the biggest concern shouldn’t be “Does this knee-to-the-groin make my butt look big?”  It doesn’t.  And for those who don’t like it – too bad.  Get over it.

Water Bottle CafePress dot Com

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An Open Letter to Dan Turner, father of convicted rapist Brock Turner: Here’s What’s Unfortunate

Dear Mr. Turner,

Your son, Brock Turner, is a convicted rapist.  The facts of his crime are not in dispute:  Brock sexually assaulted an intoxicated woman behind a dumpster.  He was caught by two men who realized that a crime was taking place and who thus not only intervened but held your son until police arrived to take him into custody.

Despite your assertion to the contrary, Brock Turner was, in fact, violent to another human being on January 17, 2015.  He was convicted of 3 felonies.  Your response?  To hold up as a role model for other college students.  You are quoted in multiple media outlets saying that “…having people like Brock educate others on college campuses is how society can begin to break the cycle of binge drinking and its unfortunate results.”

Rape is not an “unfortunate result” of your son, Brock Turner, having one beer too many, Mr. Turner.  Rape is the crime committed by your son against another person, who has painfully and eloquently described the lasting impact of your son’s brutal attack. Your son, Brock Turner, is a convicted rapist who violently attacked another human being, and unless that is what he is going to say to the college students you claim he can “educate”, what they will learn is that sexual violence against women is simply an unfortunate result of boys-being-boys and having a good time at a party.  Yes, Brock was drunk.  But his victim was unconscious.  Unconscious people cannot consent to sex, and that is rape.

What would his message be, Mr. Turner?  “My dad said I shouldn’t have gotten jail time!”?  “Judge Aaron Persky felt bad sending someone like me to jail <sad emoji>”?  “What you call rape, I call sexual promiscuity – but you know what those co-eds are like…”?

Here’s what is truly unfortunate, Mr. Turner:  your son is in good company.  Recent studies have demonstrated that as many as one third of college men report that they would rape a woman – or force a woman to have sexual intercourse against her will (they are a little unclear sometimes that those are the same thing) if they could do so without consequences. And male college athletes are right there in the mix.

Dan Turner, you, and your enthusiastic endorsement of your son’s right to rape, are the best evidence we could offer that the only thing to be learned from this is that we need a radical response to rape and sexual assault.  We need to punish offenders and teach women and girls to defend themselves, both of which send a strong cultural message – that rape and sexual assault will not be tolerated, and that the consequences to the rapists will be severe.  Self-defense training might not have helped the woman your son Brock raped, but we know it helps others both defend themselves AND intervene to help others, like the two young men who intervened while Brock was raping that young woman.  It reminds women and men that women are entitled to their boundaries – a cultural shift that is, as your statements and the statements of others show, is sorely needed on campus today.

And yes, we need to change people’s attitudes, but, as you so eloquently demonstrate, the goal is not for all of us to see things the way you and your son and Judge Persky do.  It’s to get people on board with the fact that rape is a crime, that justice for rape victims should be swift and consequences to rapists severe, that 20 minutes lasts a lifetime.

It’s not just unfortunate that you and Brock Turner and Judge Persky don’t get that, Dan Turner.  It’s criminal.

Jill Cermele and Martha McCaughey

 

CDC Frames Changing Interactions Between Two People as a Prevention Strategy (but not for Sexual Assault)

OPEN LETTER TO THE CDC

Dear Center for Disease Control and Prevention,

Your recently released report on fatal abusive head trauma in children under 5 embraces a range of prevention strategies (your words, not ours) to combat a type of violence that parents or caregivers perpetrate against children.  You remind us of the need for collecting good data, for shifting cultural norms around parenting, and for strengthening economic support for families through a variety of policy changes.

And then, CDC (may we call you CDC?), you say this:

“There is growing evidence that child maltreatment prevention strategies, such as those that change interactions, including those between parents and children, parents and other caregivers, and parents and health care providers are effective interventions (7). [The CDC] resource [is]…based on decades of research about effectively promoting positive parenting and preventing child maltreatment, using various approaches, including videos and interactive practice exercises, to help caregivers build healthy relationships with their children aged >3 years.” [emphasis ours].

We wholeheartedly agree – using interactive practice exercises that change interactions between people is an  effective prevention strategy supported by decades of research.

Not just in the prevention of child maltreatment.  Also in the prevention of sexual assault.

But you should know this, CDC.  We’ve told you before.  But instead you continue to frame self-defense as a “risk-reduction” strategy instead of as primary prevention.

On the bright side, your Sexual Violence Prevention Package (pages 19-22) lists empowerment-based self-defense among the skills-building strategies we should be teaching.

We applaud your recognition that, with respect to abusive head trauma in children, prevention is a multi-faceted approach, and that changing interactions between caregivers and children is an important aspect of that prevention model.

Let’s have those same standards apply to preventing sexual assault, and recognize that empowerment self-defense training IS part of a comprehensive prevention model; it creates population-level change by challenging rape myths and the dynamics around gender, in addition to teaching people a range of verbal and physical personal safety strategies to prevent sexual assault.

In solidarity,

Jill Cermele and Martha McCaughey

 

Super powers not required

i got this black widow

Happy Mother’s Day, to All Who Mother

mothers day gift

Breaking news: SJFB recants its stance on self-defense

We here at See Jane Fights Back would like to issue a heartfelt apology to our readers.  (“Sorry!  Sorry, sorry, sorry…) We have thought, we have pondered, we have watched the presidential debates, and now, finally, we get it – women are neither capable of resisting violence nor able to advocate for themselves.

We thought we were, you know?  There’s that data – ALL that data – that says self-defense works, that training women in self-defense can reduce the risk of sexual assault by up to 40%, that there are added benefits in areas like self-esteem, self-confidence, empowerment, and personal freedom.

But those are just facts, and when people hold those facts up against how they feel, what they believe to be true, it doesn’t always add up.  Like how some people don’t believe in global warming.  Or evolution.  Or equality.  Or racism or sexism or homophobia or…well, you get the idea, right?

So what happens, when the facts conflict with our beliefs and behaviors?  We get cognitive dissonance, and that just feels…well, uncomfortable.  And who wants to feel uncomfortable?  So while we COULD adjust our beliefs and behaviors, and acknowledge that 1) violence against women and girls is a global public health crisis, and 2) gendered notions of vulnerability and strength do not solve that that crisis, AND 3) acknowledging effective resistance and offering self-defense training are two important ways to address that crisis, that’s just so HARD.  Like Barbie said math was.

And we don’t like to do things that are hard, do we?  It’s just easier to accept the status quo, to believe violence against women and girls is inevitable, to wait for the knights in shining armor (“Yoo hoo!  Over here!”) to come save us.

So data be damned.  We’ll just go with what makes us comfortable.  Or more accurately, what makes lots and lots of other people comfortable.  Because women being powerful and self-determined and safe is so….so….what’s the word?  Unattractive?  Unreasonable? Discomforting?

Oh wait – we’ve got it.  Reasonable.  It’s just so reasonable.

Happy April Fools Day.

 

 

An Open Letter to Mr. Grey (Bear) of the Vermont Teddy Bear Company

One year later, and it’s just as relevant.  Seriously, Vermont Teddy Bear Company?

Dear Mr. Grey (Bear),

First, I must confess, I haven’t read the book or seen the movie upon which your marketing turns. But I don’t really need to.  I got the gist from the YouTube clip of Ellen Degeneres reading an excerpt, from Dave Barry’s essay about his wife’s reading of it, and from a college student’s paper on the book, which included choice quotes.  You’re simultaneously the object of lust and desire for the women who read your book and thought it was erotica, and you’re the object of scorn and disgust for the women who read your book and thought it was the story of one man’s fantasy of abuse and domination framed as romance.  The dirtier version of Twilight, if you will.

I don’t know how you became a teddy bear, Mr. Grey (Bear), but apparently someone at the Vermont Teddy Bear Company has a keen sense of how to make a dominating misogynist cute.  You have been trotted out as a marketing ploy by a multi-million dollar company.  (How does it feel to be used, Mr. Grey?  Do you want to willingly surrender yourself to the corporate headquarters, in all things?)

I see you everywhere, Mr. Grey (Bear).  It’s like you’re stalking me, which, clearly, is entirely consistent with your modus operandi.  I can’t get you off my Facebook news feed, I hear you advertised on my local radio station when I’m trying to get information about traffic, and you even infiltrated one of my favorite NPR programs as you forced your way into a limerick on Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me.

Your ad haunts me, Mr. Grey (Bear).  I seem to be in a period of my life where I am particularly vulnerable to advertising.  I just bought Fruity Cheerios after seeing that sweet commercial of the little boy going through his breakfast cereal options with his dad (“My favorite kind of Cheerios are the ones I eat with you, Daddy”); I also bought ginger ale after a couple of weeks’ exposure to that Canada Dry commercial where the woman at the barbeque reaches into the cooler and starts pulling the ginger plants from Jack’s Ginger Farm, and I don’t even understand that ad.

But your ad haunts me for a different reason.  You’re a fucking teddy bear, for god’s sake.  How you even came to be considered an appropriate Valentine’s Day gift for adult women is frankly beyond my comprehension.  But a teddy bear who gets his kinks by being sadistic and abusive?  Really?  Am I supposed to be turned on by your satin mask and teeny tiny…handcuffs, or is that supposed to get my kid’s stuffed frog all hot and bothered?  And really, despite all your plushy machismo and smoldering…um…plastic eyes, you know you’re just a puppet, right?  You are merely the pawn of the Vermont Teddy Bear Company.  And from what I understand, by your own admission, you’re completely fucked up.  Sexy?  Not so much.

So news flash, Mr. Grey (Bear).  I want you gone – gone from my computer screen, gone from my radio, and for god’s sake, gone from my NPR programs.  I know, that’s not what you’re accustomed to hearing.  But get used to it.  And as for your Dominant – the Vermont Teddy Bear Company – how about a teddy bear that symbolizes women’s empowerment rather than the benefits to men of participating in the rape culture?  Rosie the Rive-bear?  Glori-bear Steinem?   The Bear-zillian Jiu-Jitsu Teddy?  How about Thel-bear and Bear-ouise?  In the meantime, I look forward to hearing how much of the Vermont Teddy Bear Company’s proceeds from your rape-culture-supporting teddy bear self are getting donated to support organizations that fight violence against women or empower women to resist when their partners are controlling and abusive.   I’ll take that as my Valentine’s Day gift.

Oh, and P.S., Mr. Grey (Bear); before you, or the Vermont Teddy Bear Company, or the millions of Fifty Shades of Grey Fans, or the 20-somethings who believe they’ve got a nuanced understanding of the BDSM community, roll your eyes and dismiss this as the uptight vanilla rantings of an over-the-hill feminist, here’s three things to consider: first, members of the BDSM community have already explained how sex depicted in your book violates the accepted standards of mutuality and consent that are explicit in BDSM, so my beef is with abusive relationships, not BDSM; second, if we’re talking about expanding, not constraining, the boundaries on sexuality, then vanilla is as valid a flavor as anything else; and third, and most important, you’re a teddy bear, so if it’s all the same to you, I’ll get my sex ed information from the grown-ups.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

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