Seven Things Self-Defense Advocates Are Tired of Hearing

  1.  “Women shouldn’t have to defend themselves against sexual assault.”  Sigh.  Of course not, folks, if what you mean by that is “no one should sexually assault a woman, or anyone else, ever”, or “women shouldn’t be held responsible for sexual assault if they cannot/did not engage in self-defense, because the perpetrator is always to blame and responsible for sexual assault”.  Right.  But to say “women shouldn’t have to defend themselves” ala the Kurt Cobain meme is really just an excuse to deny women the right to defend themselves.  And they do have the right to defend themselves, if that is the choice they make for themselves because of the risk of assault or in the face of assault.  Period.
  2. “Self-defense isn’t primary prevention.”  Um.  Yes, it is, as we have explained countless times.  Primary prevention, according to the CDC, stops an assault before it happens, and impacts social and cultural norms that permeate and perpetuate rape culture.  Self-defense training, and women’s use of self-defense, has been demonstrated to effectively prevent and thwart assault, and to change our views of men as all-powerful and ever successful in sexual violence and women as inherently powerless and rapeable.  Self-defense is as much a primary prevention strategy as bystander intervention programs and Red Flag trainings.
  3. “Self-defense is/leads to victim-blaming.”  This critique is leveled at self-defense all the time.  Why?  Because we live in a rape culture.  People blame victims and excuse perpetrators in all kinds of ways.  Like  when they say the victim is too pretty/not pretty enough, or too sexy/not sexually available, or on the street/in their own home/in a friend’s home,  or too dark/too light/too white, or…right.  Like that.  The fact that people may perceive training more women in self-defense as inviting victim blame doesn’t make it victim-blaming, any more than people perceiving a woman in a short skirt as inviting rape means that her short skirt invites rape.  Duh.  Not all women want, or have the opportunity, to learn self-defense, for a variety of reasons.  But that doesn’t mean that self-defense training should be denied to other women.
  4. “Self-defense doesn’t work/escalates violence.”  Well, it does work, in many, many situations, as the data indicate.  And because of that, it rarely makes things worse, despite multiple episodes of Law & Order to the contrary (still available as professional consultants, L&O!)  You don’t have to believe that for it to be true.  Just like evolution and global warming.
  5. “Bystander training is better.”  Better for whom?  (That’s grammatically correct, folks; check it out.)  And that is a fair question.  Bystanders intervening is great, as the Stanford rape case recently demonstrated, and we encourage everyone to act as upstanders and find ways to safely intervene when they witness a sexual assault impending or in progress.  But it’s not better; it’s different, and to be clear, only potentially effective when an assault is public or happened upon.  And to suggest that it’s better is to put forth the belief that those targeted for assault (typically women) are not capable of engaging in active, effective resistance.  You might as well say, “Bystander training is better because women can’t defend themselves, so don’t bother trying or learning how.”    What a terrible, and false, message to propagate.
  6. “Some women training in self-defense puts other women at risk.”  A close cousin to the concern about victim-blaming, this statement reflects two fears.  The first fear is that when a woman defends herself successfully against a rape, that rapist will simply seek out another target.  Not only is their no data to support that belief, but it suggests that women, in protecting themselves, are then responsible for other women being raped.  Hogwash.  And, quite frankly, misogynistic.  The only person responsible for a rape is the rapist.  The second fear is that the women who do not train in self-defense will be blamed for the assault once our culture, led by a bunch of bad-ass women, embrace the empowering self-defense approach.  We don’t want to force all women, or any woman, to train in self-defense; but neither do we want to ignore the benefits of self-defense simply because some women, for a variety of reasons, may not engage in it.  If a small percentage of people are allergic to eggs and thus can’t get the flu shot, should public health officials stop telling people to get their flu shot?  In fact, just like with flu vaccinations, the greater percentage of people who’ve gotten them, the better off everyone is – even those who could not or did not get the flu shot.  Imagine if an entire industry had developed around serving only those who get the flu, rather than taking care of those who had the flu and working tirelessly to defend against the flu virus.  That would be unethical.
  7. “The idea of a woman being able to overpower a man is just…
    uncomfortable/unattractive/unfeminine/unsexy/inappropriate.”
      Seriously?  Seriously?  In the face of an imminent sexual assault or a rape in progress, the biggest concern shouldn’t be “Does this knee-to-the-groin make my butt look big?”  It doesn’t.  And for those who don’t like it – too bad.  Get over it.

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